how your couple’s profile may be outing you

Swingers are social by nature. We tend to have a strong desire to communicate with and share parts of ourselves with our friends and acquaintances. In fact some of the first social networks that stepped beyond just being a simple BBS or forum were designed for swingers by taking the best parts of dating sites of the time and mixing them with a forum and allowing people to share in new ways. The current  social networks like Facebook and Instagram are ubiquitous and presents some distinct challenges and security issues for people participating in lifestyles that are more sensitive.

How Swingers Use Facebook

In general swingers will use Facebook for their lifestyle activities in a slightly different way than typical activities. Most swinger groups are private which means that your posts, responses, reactions, and other interactions won’t be shown to your friends. Most chats will be initiated through groups which gives you another layer of protection. Many swingers will also create the infamous couple’s profile for themselves, which is an account that both members log into and will switch to for more sensitive activities. On the surface it would seem that this is a great compromise but in reality Facebook is suboptimal for swingers and it can even out you without you knowing.
The downsides of using facebook for more private activities like this are numerous and extend to limitations in what you can share and can go so far as to out you to your friends and family.

Non-Swingers and Looky Loos

Because Facebook is a place for everyone its swinger groups are full of people who are at best not swingers and at worst are there with malicious intent to steal photos or harass people. While most group moderators do their best to weed these people out, its very difficult because there aren’t many tools to insure people are really swingers. In fact, about all a moderator can do is count on a questionnaire when someone requests access to the group, a questionnaire which many people will lie on to gain access to the group.

Content Limitations

Facebook uses AI to monitor every single piece of communication and content on their website. While they tend to not care about the content of text they are very concerned about the content of photos and videos. There doesn’t even have to be nipples or genitals for Facebook’s AI to flag and remove content and the rules can be quite obtuse. Someone sitting cross legged in a skimpy bikini leaving little to the imagination with a little bit of labia exposed might be alright while that pole dance picture you took fully clothed at the bar the other night might set off all kinds of alarm bells.

Facebook Jail and Shadow Bans

Once you have triggered Facebook’s system you may start to see downstream effects on the rest of your interactions, including your vanilla interactions.
The largest, most obvious, but less common effect is what is affectionately called facebook jail. This is when Facebook inhibits your ability to post anything for a number of days based on prior behavior and adds “strikes” against your account. Too many visits to jail and Facebook may simply decide to disable your account permanently.
Shadow bans can be the more pernicious outcome of a strike against your account. Shadow bans can reduce, dramatically, the chances that your content and comments will be seen by friends on the platform. Shadow bans will even reduce the likelihood that chats you initiate with people in groups will be seen outside the receiver’s spam folder.
Even more frustrating is the fact that these shadow bans can span platforms and extend to your connected Instagram account. It is quite normal to make some type of faux pas in a private chat with a friend on Facebook and then find your Instagram posts getting very few likes and comments anymore. This happens because the shadow ban on Facebook can prevent your content from being shown to even your closest friends on Instagram.

Couple’s Profiles Are Not Facebook Legal

A very common practice for swingers on Facebook has been to create a couple’s profile. This profile is generally created with a name such as “Joe ‘n Suzy” or “Bill and June” or several other common permutations. On the surface these profiles provide a convenient way to separate your vanilla activities from your not so vanilla activities while providing a common space for you and your partner.
The first problem with Couple’s accounts is that they are not actually allowed by Facebook guidelines . These accounts can get banned and, as we will see shortly, Facebook may be able to track who created this account and if you have another account. Banning of your couple’s account can actually lead to some of the issues talked about earlier such as Facebook jail and shadow bans that can span accounts and platforms.

Couple’s Profiles Can Out You To Friends And Family

What can be even more damaging is that a couple’s account can imply your more illicit activities to people you might not share them with such as family and friends. This happens because of facebook’s very invasive tracking.
When you create an account you will most likely be doing it from a device that is used to manage at least one of your other accounts, and this is where the issue lies. Because it is in the platform’s best interest help a new profile to quickly create a network of friends they track the device that your new account was made from. The platform then infers that an account made from the same device that manages another account may be interested in some of the same connections. Facebook will then show your new profile suggested connections that are related to your other account, and even worse can suggest your new couple’s account to friends and family connected to your vanilla account.
From there simple human curiosity takes over. As an example your child who is connected to your vanilla account may see your new couple’s account suggested as a connection. At that point a google search will quickly answer why there might be a joint account, leaving you with a challenging conversation and one more way someone might find out.

How To Be Safer On Social Media

If you must use Facebook for your swinger activities there are a couple good rules to follow:
First, only use your primary account, while counter-intuitive, it is much safer. Just remember, in the lifestyle, communication is key. Make sure to coordinate with your partner and insure that they are aware of anything you are doing with your personal account that you have decided within your relationship to disclose.
Next, only use private groups for swinger activities. Facebook may share comments and other interactions within open groups with your other friends outing you immediately.
Finally, don’t send any racy photos or videos to other people. Even one removal by Facebook’s AI can have long lasting effects on your ability to use the platform and share with the rest of your friends. As discussed earlier, these difficulties can even follow you to Instagram.

A Better Solution

The best solution is to use a social network dedicated to the swinger’s lifestyle. Websites, like Lustrs are much more accommodating to those of us in the lifestyle. You can generally share any photos and videos that are of you and legal. People who are there, even if they are friends, are generally there because they share an interest in the lifestyle. Looky Loos and bad actors are minimized as well, since they are usually looking for low-hanging fruit the moderate membership fee will act as a strong deterrent.
Additionally a specialized website, such as Lustrs, has specialized tooling just for swingers. You can generally block profiles by type, such as single males, or single females. You can search for people close to you. You can find events close to you. There are even special security precautions that help keep your account safe and your private life private.

Finally

As with sex, regardless of what platforms you use remember to use them safely. Use some of the tips above and your swinging adventures will be far more fun and rewarding.